


Without you I just don't fit

by bertie



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Vancouver Canucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 11:00:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertie/pseuds/bertie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin nearly ruins his only chance but he heals Alex's wounds with time and what he asks for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without you I just don't fit

**Author's Note:**

> Not really written for icehot13's tumblr giveaway but I submitted it anyway.

Kevin is kind of floored when Alex scoots down the bench in the locker room and quietly asks him to dinner that night.

“I mean unless you have plans or you just don’t want to, it’s fine, I promise. I can—”

Kevin stutters out a shaky, “A-Alex, Alex,” and Alex finally stops babbling.

“What? I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, don’t—don’t apologize. I’d love to have dinner,” Kevin tells him, soft so none of the guys can hear.

But they do hear and it’s talk of the entire locker room before they can even shower. Alex looks kind of shaken but takes it in stride.

“I was wondering why Alex wore something so nice today,” Ryan comments as they’re putting their gear away.

Alex emerges from the showers, hair still a little damp, fixing his cuffs in a dark button down shirt and dress pants and Kevin just _swoons._ He smiles at Kevin so shy and sweet and pulls his jacket out of his locker.

“Ready?” He asks, timid like Kevin will say no and cancel their plans.

“Yes, of course.” Kevin jumps up, smiling and ignoring the catcalls as they leave.

Alex leads Kevin to his car, starts to the passenger side and decides against it at the last moment. Kevin climbs into the car and just watches Alex turn the ignition and buckle his seatbelt and put the car in gear.

“I have reservations at the new Italian restaurant. Is that alright?” Alex asks, turns to glance at Kevin.

“That’s fine. I’ve been meaning to try it,” Kevin replies, relaxes in hopes that it will make Alex more at ease.

His shoulders are tense and he flexes his fingers on the steering wheel. Kevin doesn’t force him to talk, but he knows it’s odd that Alex isn’t rambling. The restaurant is packed, but their reservation gets them out of the crowd and seated at a private table toward the back. Alex orders them a bottle of wine and asks for water and Kevin sees his arms move back and forth under the table until he realizes and stops. They order when the waiter returns—Alex gets pasta and Kevin asks for chicken Bryan—and Alex shifts in his chair once he leaves.

“I hope I didn’t screw up bringing you out somewhere. What are the reporters going to say?” Alex begins to fret, looks downright scared, and Kevin wants to hold him and protect him.

“They can say whatever they want to say and we don’t have to tell them right or wrong. Don’t worry about what other people think, Alex. You’re too cute to be upset.”

The compliment slips out without his knowing until Alex is turning pink and smiling so devastatingly and Kevin can’t breathe.

“So— _euh—_ I was right thinking that you were interested in me?” Alex looks so hopeful and eager and Kevin couldn’t lie in that moment even if he hadn’t been absolutely smitten since the day Alex walked in the locker room.

“Yeah,” Kevin says, rubs his neck nervously.

Alex grins so brightly, fingers curled into the tablecloth. He relaxes almost immediately and starts talking about _everything_ and Kevin falls in love all over again. But he can’t help but feel inadequate. He thinks anyone in this restaurant could take Alex home and make him much happier than he ever could. He makes a joke out of practically everything Alex does— _how could he love me as much as I love him?_

“Kevin, why are you— _euh_ —spacing out?”

Kevin shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I thought I left something at the rink. Keep going, I’m listening.”

Alex just smiles again and launches back into his story, complete with jumbled words and hand gestures and a nearly spilt glass of wine. Despite asking for the wine, Alex doesn’t touch his until their meals come. Kevin sips from his glass every now and then, but wants to be completely sober in case he gets to take Alex home that night. Even when the food arrives, Alex talks and talks and unknowingly makes Kevin worry.

_What if he wants kids? Do I want kids? I haven’t thought about having kids. Will he leave me if I don’t want kids?_

_Would he want to move in with me or should I move in with him? He does have a nice apartment, but I love mine._

_That guy is looking at Alex. Oh, God. No, no, no, don’t you even think about it. I am not afraid to go—_

“Kevin, what is the matter?” Alex looks upset and Kevin hates himself for that.

They’re almost done with their meal and Alex was thinking about dessert but now he looks like he wants to run out of the restaurant.

“Alex, I’m so sorry. I—”

“No, Kevin, I’m sorry. I thought you liked me as much as I like you. I might even love you, Kevin, but you can’t even listen to me for one hour so I apologize for wasting your time.”

And he’s gone. Just like that. Kevin loathes himself in that moment for probably making Alex cry. Kevin pays the bill and leaves quickly, but Alex already left. The rink isn’t too far, only a few blocks, so Kevin walks.

_You had a chance—a really fucking great chance—and you threw it away because you’re insecure and can’t believe someone would love you. How could you hurt him like that? He’ll never trust anyone because of you and he’ll probably ask to transfer to Montréal and you’ll never see him again because you just never thought he was capable of enjoying your company._

Kevin walks the few streets with his thoughts leading him further into despair. He gets in his car and drives home, still full of thoughts of angry disbelief. He sleeps hardly three hours and is up until five watching infomercials. He finally falls asleep on the couch and wakes up hours later having missed all of morning skate. For some reason he gets dressed and drives to the rink, thinking he should explain himself to Coach.

But his car isn’t the only one in the lot like it should be. It’s Alex’s car and he is bent over the steering wheel _sobbing_ and it destroys Kevin. Kevin knocks lightly on the window and Alex jumps, tries to hold it together until he realizes. He turns away, puts his wrist up to his mouth. Kevin tries the handle and it opens easily so he climbs in, shuts the door.

“Alex,” Kevin says, gentle and pleading. “Alex, please look at me.”

Alex says something in French that sounds miserable and nearly like a prayer, covers is face with his hands.

“Oh, Alex, I’m so sorry. Please, _please_ look at me. I want to explain to you.” Kevin reaches to take one of Alex’s hands away, holds it carefully if Alex wants to take it back.

But he doesn’t and he sniffles and looks over at Kevin with watery brown eyes and Kevin feels absolutely disgusting for making him cry.

“I was so stupid, Alex, and I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am. I somehow got it in my head that you were far too good for me and you could have gone home with anyone in that restaurant but I forgot to realize that you had already chosen _me._ I wasn’t smart enough to see that I had you right in front of me all happy and amazing and just completely you. I was an idiot to think you didn’t like me because you were there with me and I can’t believe I wasted that.

“I should never ask this of you, but if you give me another chance I will make sure to never waste my time with you because you are something to be cherished and adored. I want to love you and protect you more than anything I have ever wanted in this world. I want you to see how good I can be to you, Alex.”

Alex just continues to sob and Kevin thinks he really fucked this up, but then Alex is smiling a little through his tears and reaches for Kevin. Holding Alex feels like coming home and Kevin can’t catch his breath.

“Oh God, Alex,” Kevin breathes, holds him tight and careful and never wants to let him go.

“Kevin, I’m so sorry I left you and ran away and I should have stayed but I was so scared and I thought you went with me as a joke and I didn’t want you to see me cry—”

Kevin pulls back to hold Alex’s face in his hands, strokes his thumbs over damp cheeks.

“Shhh, shhh, Alex, you don’t have to explain anything. I hurt you and it was a terrible thing to do and I will do anything to make it up to you.” Kevin can barely meet Alex’s eyes for how much pain he holds there and Alex’s lip trembles until he bites it. He tries to keep his voice level, keeps Alex close. “I want you to think about giving me another chance. I don’t want you to do it only because you feel bad for abandoning me—which you should not feel bad for. Don’t think about me because right now I deserve to be shipped off to Boston and I would do it if it would make you happy.”

Alex gives him a shaky smile, sniffles, and croaks, “I don’t want you to go to Boston.”

Kevin smiles and smoothes Alex’s hair, “I don’t want to go to Boston.”

Alex laughs a little and Kevin grins at him, sitting back a little.

“Let me buy you lunch,” Kevin suggests. “We’ll take separate cars and it’ll just be as friends.”

“Okay,” Alex says, wipes his nose with the sleeve of his hoodie. “I’d like that.”

Kevin opens the door and climbs out, leans down. “Let’s go to the café down the road, the one that you love so much.”

Alex brightens fractionally and nods, turns the key in the ignition. “I’ll meet you there.”

Kevin smiles and closes the door. He takes several deep breaths as he gets in his car, follows Alex to the café and has to talk himself down. _He’s giving you a second chance and you can’t screw it up. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you._

…

“You acted like a dick.”

Kevin sighs, hangs his head. “I deserve that.”

“Yeah, you do,” Ryan says, sitting down beside Kevin. “I thought you would get over yourself once Alex asked you out, but you freaked. I told him you would be fine. What happened?”

“I failed to see that I already had him and tried to push him away because I felt inadequate. It was really fucking stupid,” Kevin replies, but it doesn’t really matter because he got to kiss Alex the night before last (and last night—well, really all of yesterday).

Alex comes into the locker room with Roberto beside him smiling and talking to him. Alex just smiles at Kevin, so timid and sweet and unlike himself on the ice. Kevin smiles back because he has to smile at Alex and Roberto winks at Alex before crossing the room to his locker. Ryan kind of knocks Kevin down the bench to make room for Chris, who sits and smiles into Ryan’s kiss and the majority of the team gags in mock protest. Alex sits beside Kevin almost tentatively and Kevin already knows that Alex doesn’t want the displays of affection in front of the team. He just gives him a warm smile and touches his hand.

“God—just kiss him already,” someone hollers across the locker room, but Kevin ignores them.

“I won’t kiss you here,” he murmurs. “Not until you’re comfortable.”

Alex smiles gratefully. “Thank you.”

Kevin just strokes his thumb over Alex’s knuckles and gets lost in his dark eyes. Practice is like normal except that Alex comes up behind him and bumps him with his hip and his smiles are teasing. Alex steals Kevin’s hoodie out of his locker and gives him such a sickeningly cute grin from behind the collar that Kevin can’t even be upset.

They go back to Alex’s apartment, a huge two-room with a massive, overstuffed couch and a plush king-sized bed because Alex likes to stretch out. It was a late practice and they don’t have a game until tomorrow so Alex makes them pasta for dinner and sings under his breath in French as Kevin sits on the counter.

“Come here,” Kevin calls softly, pulling Alex in between his legs. “I have to kiss you.”

Alex turns pink but he closes his eyes and Kevin nearly dies from how beautiful he is. His lips are soft and warm and they part easily for Kevin’s tongue. Alex whimpers in surprise when Kevin reaches to stick his hand in his back pocket, but he presses closer and his hands settle on Kevin’s shoulders. They kiss until the pot of water starts to boil over and Alex almost burns himself pouring out the pasta. They eat on the counter because Alex still needs a kitchen table and chairs and Kevin gets sauce on his shirt.

“Do you want to borrow a t-shirt?” Alex asks, leading him back to the bedroom.

“Sure,” he says, looking out the huge window at the city below. “This is a great place, Alex.”

Alex kind of shrugs, mouth crooked as he hands Kevin a grey t-shirt. “It’s so big and I often get lonely.”

It hurts Kevin to hear that and he sets the shirt on the bed. He pulls Alex close, holds him by the hips. “I don’t like hearing that you’re lonely. I could stay over some nights, if you’d like?”

Alex smiles so brightly and nods, kisses Kevin quickly. “Yes, I’d like that.”

Kevin grins and kisses Alex on the cheek. He pulls his shirt up over his head and is shaking out the new one when he realizes how quiet Alex got. He looks up to find Alex, pupils blown wide and lips parted, watching him closely.

“Maybe I can change my shirt later,” Kevin says, doesn’t know what else to say, because all he wants to do is get Alex up on that huge bed.

Alex just nods and he shivers when his eyes travel down Kevin’s chest. Kevin goes for it, pushes Alex carefully back toward the bed and he gets the idea, crawls up to sit in the middle. Kevin follows eagerly, climbs over Alex until he’s forced to lie back and Kevin thinks he’s about to have an aneurism from how gorgeous Alex looks spread out on his white comforter. He puts one hand on Alex’s hip, leans down to kiss him so gently that Alex whines for more.

“Please, please,” he whimpers, holds the back of Kevin’s neck to guide him down.

Kevin licks into Alex’s mouth, moans at the warm wetness and the lingering taste of sugar from his soda. It takes merely minutes for Alex to arch and shift and Kevin falls apart when he feels how hard Alex is against his hip.

“Oh my God, Alex,” Kevin gasps into Alex’s mouth, his skin prickling with heat and desire.

Alex’s eyes are wide and dark and Kevin drowns in the lust he finds there. He licks his lips as he watches Kevin, eyes flickering like he’s searching for something.

“I don’t deserve you,” Kevin groans, slips his hand underneath Alex’s t-shirt to feel how warm his skin is, “but, God, I want you so bad.”

Alex had looked concerned for a moment before he relaxes and smiles brilliantly up at Kevin. He reaches to take Kevin’s hand, puts it low on his hip to just barely brush his erection, and his cheeks darken.

“Then have me,” he says and Kevin _growls._

They fumble out of their clothes and Alex looks so scared at first. He curls his fingers into the comforter and Kevin gets it.

“Let’s get under the covers,” he suggests and Alex melts into a beautiful mess of pliable French-Canadian that has Kevin whimpering.

Under the sheets is even better than on the comforter because the sheets are a dark, dark grey and Alex’s pale skin stands out so starkly that Kevin feels himself get impossibly harder at the sight. Alex looks so at ease and he moves so surely now that he feels safe and secure and protected. Kevin wants to give him that for the rest of forever.

“Where is—”

“Top drawer,” Alex answers immediately, gives Kevin a coy smile.

Kevin retrieves the condom and lubricant and settles back in between Alex’s legs, goes back to kissing him with every fiber of his being. Alex makes the sweetest noises and Kevin can’t wait to hear him when they’re finally making love.

“Are you more comfortable on your back or stomach?” Kevin asks, rubbing his hands up and down Alex’s strong thighs.

Alex shivers and whimpers, tilts his knees inward. “On my back.”

“Good,” Kevin purrs, “Because I want to see your beautiful face.”

Alex smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes and Kevin doesn’t let it slide.

“What’s the matter, Alex? Talk to me.”

“Just nervous,” he says, tucks his head against his shoulder and doesn’t meet Kevin’s eyes.

Kevin massages Alex’s hips, continues up to his waist and then back down again. “Have you done this before?”

Alex nods tentatively, but looks away. “Not with a man.”

“We don’t have to do this just yet. I can wait as long as you need if you don’t feel ready.” Kevin doesn’t think about having to stop right here when Alex is so warm and gorgeous and _his._

“I want to. I’ve wanted to for a while, but only with you. I want _you._ ” Alex reaches to touch Kevin’s jaw and Kevin sees the arousal creep back into his eyes.

“I’ll be gentle. I would never hurt you on purpose, but if you’re uncomfortable or you don’t like something, don’t be afraid to tell me. I won’t be upset, I promise. I want you to enjoy this.”

Alex smiles and this time it’s bright and eager and he wraps his legs around Kevin’s waist. Kevin shudders and nearly comes right then.

“God, you drive me insane just by laying here. I can’t believe you’re mine.” He rocks his hips carefully against Alex’s, enjoys the surprised little gasp it elicits.

Kevin leans away to slick up his fingers and Alex’s legs fall away, leaving him bared, and Kevin is proud that he doesn’t shy away. As Alex watches Kevin, his breath catches in his throat and he flexes his hips.

“It might be a little cold, but it’ll warm up,” Kevin warns, covers Alex’s body with his own. He kisses Alex’s ear and whispers a husky, “Spread your legs.”

Alex whimpers and wraps his legs back around Kevin’s hips. He holds tight to Kevin’s shoulders and chews on his lip. He makes a little surprised noise when Kevin presses gently but he relaxes and doesn’t tense when Kevin’s finger slips inside.

“It’s not so bad.” Kevin nuzzles against Alex’s cheek, kisses just below his eye. Alex smiles at him.

By the time Kevin has three fingers in him, Alex is writhing and has his leg practically thrown over Kevin’s shoulder. His moans are downright obscene and he begs Kevin to find his prostate again. Kevin just laughs under his breath because he didn’t know Alex would love it this much.

“Let me give you something even better, hmm?” Kevin says, kissing Alex on the cheek.

Alex whines petulantly when Kevin takes his fingers away, but he makes a happy little sound when Kevin rolls on the condom.

“So eager,” Kevin teases, slicking himself up. “I love it.”

Kevin eases carefully into Alex, so _so_ afraid of hurting him. He holds one of Alex’s legs back for a moment to be sure and then finally settles inside him.

“Are you comfortable?” He asks, stroking Alex’s hair off his forehead and fixing the pillow under his head.

Alex turns pink and smiles. “Yes, I’m comfortable. No pain.”

“Good,” Kevin sighs, smiles like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. “Am I okay to move?”

“Yes, yes please.” Alex practically wriggles and Kevin has to laugh and kiss him for how perfect he is.

At first, Alex grimaces and he doesn’t breathe for a few seconds, but then Kevin brushes against his prostate and Alex falls to pieces in his arms. Their coupling is gentle and slow and full of whispered endearments and Alex comes with Kevin’s name on his lips. He’s so upset when he realizes Kevin hasn’t come.

“It’s alright, baby, it happens sometimes.” Kevin pulls out and apologizes when Alex gives a pitiful moan. “Do you want to help me?”

Alex nods and he’s still shaking as he rolls the condom off Kevin’s erection. Kevin’s hips jump forward when Alex wraps his hand around him, stroking him slowly.

“Oh, Alex, Alex,” Kevin babbles, holding Alex close and tight. He cries out in surprise when Alex rubs his thumb across the head and says, “Oh…that again, Alex, yes please.”

He comes with only a few more strokes and a choked moan of Alex’s name. Alex looks tired and his belly is covered in come and his hair is sticking up in every direction. Kevin thinks he looks absolutely precious.

“Let’s take a shower, sweetheart, before you fall asleep. Come on.” Kevin coaxes him out of bed and Alex makes a face as he moves.

After their shower, where Kevin did much of the washing because Alex was beginning to feel the repercussions but there was also a lot of kissing, Alex pulls on a t-shirt and crawls into bed.

“Hey, where do you keep your Advil?” Kevin asks, smoothing Alex’s hair.

“Under the sink,” Alex answers on a yawn.

Kevin makes Alex sit up and take two Advil before he can lie back down. He steals a pair of Alex’s boxers and puts on the t-shirt that really started this whole thing and climbs in beside Alex.

“Go to sleep, baby. I’ll be right here,” Kevin soothes, and he almost dies when Alex cuddles up against his chest.

Kevin sleeps better than he ever has that night and he wakes when Alex is rolling away to sit on the side of the bed.

“Something wrong?” Kevin asks, reaches out to brush his fingertips down Alex’s spine.

“No, jus’ thirsty,” Alex mumbles, and slides out of bed.

Kevin can’t take his eyes off Alex and the way his t-shirt just brushes the curve of his backside as he walks. He feels himself valiantly attempt to get hard again, but knows it’s still too early for anything. When Alex returns with a glass of water, he’s walking more stiffly and looks uncomfortable.

“Do you have any sharp pains or is it just kind of dull?” Kevin sits up a little in bed and Alex snuggles up to him.

“Dull,” Alex answers, tucks his head so it rests above Kevin’s heart.

“Good, that’s good. If you have any sharp pain, tell me as soon as possible. I don’t want you to be hurt.” Kevin cards his fingers through Alex’s hair, massages his scalp until Alex purrs against his throat.

They sleep for a few more hours but Alex is still hurting when they get up to eat. Kevin feels his heart break whenever Alex tenses and tries to breathe through a wave of pain, gets more and more worried as the day goes on. Alex curls up on the couch around a pillow from the bed after taking something for the pain and Kevin wants to die for how he hurt his Alex.

“Alex, baby, is there anything I can do for you?” Kevin asks, sinking down on the floor beside the sofa.

Alex shakes his head, looks so frail and little that Kevin just wants to hide him away from the world.

“I don’t think I can play tonight,” Alex whimpers, tucks his face against his pillow.

“I’ll call Coach and tell him you pulled a muscle or something. Don’t worry,” Kevin soothes him, letting his fingers brush over Alex’s forearm. He rests his head on the cushion beside Alex’s and sighs. “You’re so beautiful.”

Alex turns pink and hides his face in the pillow. Kevin laughs and strokes Alex’s hair, fingers trailing down behind his ear.

“I know you don’t feel well, angel, but I just want to be sure you’re alright. I want to be sure I didn’t hurt you—emotionally.” Kevin curls his fingers between Alex’s hand and the pillow, rubs his thumb over the back of his hand.

Alex peeks out at him, mouth crooked and eyes wide. “I’m alright. Last night was amazing and I’m not upset. I’m not hurt.”

“I just didn’t want to make you feel like we were moving too fast. I want to have nights like that a lot more often,” Kevin says, and Alex smiles eagerly.

“Me too.” He looks so sweet and timid and Kevin has to lean up and kiss him.

“You drive me wild, Alex, I just can’t explain what you do to me,” Kevin murmurs as he crawls up over Alex, but he’s careful not to shift Alex too quickly.

Alex turns carefully onto his back and stretches out underneath Kevin. He relaxes, so at ease on his couch with Kevin resting over him, teasing him with quick little kisses. They kiss lazily, never too forceful or hurried, always soft and exploratory. Kevin leaves open-mouthed kisses down Alex’s neck, finds a soft spot on his neck and sucks gently. Alex makes the best noises for him, holds onto his t-shirt and trembles.

“O-oh, Kevin, Kevin,” Alex’s voice is breathy and weak and he finally dissolves into gasped French.

Kevin keeps at it, sucking harder and harder still, until he knows there will be a bruise when he pulls away. He soothes the mark with his tongue, kisses it and kisses the skin around it as Alex is calming. When Kevin pulls back, leaving one last kiss to the bump of Alex’s collar bone, Alex has his face turned into his pillow, cheeks red and eyes closed tight.

“Alex, what is it? Did I hurt you? Is something wrong?” Kevin tries to turn Alex’s face toward him, but he whimpers and fights him. “Alex,” his tone is frantic and he feels his heart pick up double time. “Alex, you have to look at me.”

“I’m not hurt,” Alex says and his voice is soft. It only comforts Kevin fractionally.

“Then what’s the matter?” Kevin is relieved when Alex meets his eyes, but there’s shame in his gaze and his cheeks are dark with blood.

Alex chews on his lower lip, shifts a little uncomfortably. He moves his leg against Kevin’s and Kevin glances down. He laughs, actually laughs in Alex’s face, and he feels terrible but _really._

“Oh, honey, it’s alright. It happens, and I am not upset. That’s a compliment actually, if you come just from me kissing you.” Kevin kisses Alex on the forehead, cups his cheeks in his palm. “Let’s go change and I’ll make you lunch.”

Alex is still embarrassed as they eat, but Kevin finds it increasingly adorable.

“Come here, angel baby,” Kevin downright coos, pulls Alex onto his lap. He kisses Alex on the cheek, temple, forehead, and the tip of his nose. “Don’t be so worried. I’m not upset and I actually really loved it. God, that was so hot.”

Alex laughs a little and hides his face in Kevin’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no, sweetheart, don’t be sorry and don’t be upset. It’s perfectly normal,” Kevin soothes, kissing Alex on forehead.

“Why do you call me by so many— _euh_ —pet names?” Alex asks, but he sounds more curious than upset.

Kevin feels his face heat up and scrunches his nose up. “I don’t know. I can stop if—”

“No, no!” Alex says, leans up to see Kevin. “I like it, I do. I promise. Don’t stop.”

“Okay, I won’t,” Kevin laughs, kissing Alex on the temple.

They laze around on the sofa, kissing and watching movies and dozing, wrapped around each other. Kevin never leaves for the game, and Alex sits up immediately when he realizes the time.

“Kevin, Kevin, you’ll be late for warm-up.” Alex kicks Kevin under the blanket and he groans.

“I already called Coach. Begged off to take care of you,” Kevin mumbles, shifting around and settling again. “Come back.”

Alex lies back down in Kevin’s arms, snuggles up to his chest. “You wanted to stay and take care of me?”

“Mmmm, yeah. Didn’t want you to be alone,” Kevin says, soft like he’s near sleep again. “Love you.”

Alex is momentarily taken by surprise but Kevin is already asleep so he tucks himself impossibly closer to Kevin and allows himself to enjoy the moment.

…

“Do you remember the day after we first slept together? When you stayed over because I was so sore?”

Kevin has a mouthful of chicken and rice and he’s so so hungry but Alex looks timid and he hates that. He nods as he chews his food and Alex continues.

“When we were laying down for a nap, you said that you stayed because you loved me.” Alex pokes at his plate, but he’s smiling a little. “I never told you because I thought you would deny it.”

For the six months they’d been together, Alex had been the first to say I love you. It happened at a team-building amusement park trip and Kevin realized how scared Alex was of the roller coaster. He offered to sit outside the entrance with him and Alex hugged and kissed him and said _oh thank you, I love you_ because Kevin cared and he was protecting him.

Kevin feels his cheeks turn red and he swallows. “I remembered saying it afterward, but I didn’t want to freak you out by saying it again so I never brought it up. It’s not a big deal because now I tell you that I love you seven thousand times a day because that’s how many times I think it.”

Alex giggles and Kevin melts on the inside, falls in love all over again.


End file.
